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Transcript

Workplace Kept Clean[]

(The scene shows the garage. Ben is working at his desk. He wears a shower cap, doctor's coat and surgical mask. Tom walks by eating cereal.)

Tom: Hey, say, where'd you get that cool hat?

Ben: (sighs) This is a sterile workplace.

(Tom drops a piece of cereal on the floor. Ben kicks it away.)

Ben: If one of your loops of fruit contaminates my motherboard, everything will be ruined, and I'll have to start over again. Look, I even put a line on the floor, so people know to keep out.

(Ben points out a line of tape on the floor surrounding the desk.)

Hank: Hey, Ben, I forget, which side of the line am I supposed to be on- (sneezes on Ben's desk)

Ben: (sighs) The other side.

Hank: (sniffs) Yeah, that's probably for the best. (stifles sneeze) I'm pretty sick. (sneezes on camera)

(Theme song plays)

Hank Quarantined[]

(Ben sprays the area with disinfectant spray.)

Ben: There, and 100% germ free.

Tom: Yeah, and no Hank in sight. (looks around) Hey, where is Hank anyways?

Ben: I quarantined him in a secure location.

(Scene cuts to Hank talking to the viewer in the bathroom.)

Hank: I think you know what I usually do in here... (toilet flushes) practice my funny faces in the mirror. But, Ben says I got to stay here until I get better. It's okay though. (sneezes) At least I have a TV. (uses remote)

(The camera rotates to the left, then back to the center.)

Hank: (walks up to camera) Wait a minute... (taps on camera)

No Germ Like Jeremy[]

(Scene cuts to Ben's desk.)

Angela: So you just stuck Hank in the bathroom?

(Ben nods.)

Angela: But he already sneezed everywhere. How do you know his nasty sneeze-germs are gone?

Ben: (holds up phone) This is how! My new GPS app: the Germ Positioning System. It locates every germ in a given area, so I can destroy them.

(Ben's phone pings.)

Angela: (looks at phone) Huh, it says there's one left.

Ben: What?! Impossible! It can't be.

(Ben tries to spray the area, but fails to find the germ.)

Ben: Newton's apple, I missed it!

Angela: Ben, this is crazy-sauce. It's just one little germ.

Ben: (growls) I can't get a beat on it!

Tom: (sighs) Dude, you're not gonna get it. It's too small.

Ben: Correction, Tom. It was too small.

(Ben presses a button on his phone. A germ is enlarged in the process, and is now visible on the desk.)

Ben: Ha, it worked!

Germ: Hi, everyone! I'm Jeremy the germ!

(Tom and Angela are confused.)

Ginger: Kill it!

Ben: (takes book) Stop! Stay there!

(Ben tries to hit Jeremy with the book, but misses.)

Ben: Hold still so I can kill you!

Tom and Angela: No!

Jeremy: Please, don't!

Tom: Ben, stop!

Angela: Yeah, don't hurt him. He's cute! (laughs)

Jeremy: Yeah, I'm cute! (holds out hand) Put 'er there!

Ben: Ew, I'm not touching you! You're a giant, infectious bacteria! (to Tom and Angela) Nobody touch it! Its only purpose is to make us sick! We have to kill it!

Tom: But we can't kill him now! We know his name!

Jeremy: Yeah, Jeremy.

Ben: You're soft, Tom. (to Jeremy) Just don't infect anyone and stay away from my stuff. Pretty much the same rules as Tom, got it?

Jeremy: Roger that, friend-o. I promise none of you will end up like Hank.

Tom: Oh, okay, Jeremy, now, Ben needs to work, so let's get out of his way.

Angela: Yeah, let's hang out and get to know each other, huh? (walks out)

Jeremy: Wow, that sounds like fun. I love to make new friends! (starts leaving)

Ben: (stops Jeremy) Wait a minute. Hey, Jeremy, can I talk to you for a second?

Jeremy: Sure, pal.

Ben: You mentioned Hank, but no one else did, which means you must have in contact with him before!

Jeremy: Yeah, so?

Ben: You're the germ that got Hank sick, aren't you?!

Jeremy: Very good, Ben. Very good. You figured out that a germ got someone sick. (sarcastically) Oh, no! I certainly hope you haven't caught onto my plan to infect everyone else!

(Ben gasps.)

Jeremy: Including you, Ben. You can try to warn 'em, but they won't believe you. I'm cute, remember? And you're a nothin'! (spits on Ben's shoes)

(Ben screams.)

Jeremy: Hey, guys, wait up! I was just thanking my new friend Ben for not crushing me!

Hank with the TV[]

(Scene cuts to the bathroom.)

Hank: (sings)

I don't know where I've been,

I know not to where I'll zoom,

The only thing that I know now,

is it's just me and this bathroom.

Da-da-da.

Germy Sandwich[]

(Scene cuts to Jeremy in the kitchen. Ben gasps when he sees Jeremy tampering with the cream.)

Ben: Guys, we have to get rid of Jeremy. I'm serious! He wants to infect us all!

Tom: That little fella? (laughs) Come on, Ben.

(Ben finds Jeremy licking the sandwiches with his green tongue.)

Ben: Look, you have to listen to me. Whatever you do, no matter the circumstances, do not eat those...

Jeremy: ...sandwiches! (passes sandwiches to friends) I hope you guys like 'em. It's my grandma's special recipe, but I added my own personal touch.

(The friends eat the sandwiches. Ben gasps.)

Ginger: This is so good, you guys!

Tom: Aw, Jeremy, you're the best.

Angela: Yum! I am so glad Ben didn't kill you before. Mm!

Jeremy: Yeah, (throws tray at Ben) water under the bridge! It was in the heat of the moment, before you all knew how great I was, but we're all friends now! (giggles)

Angela: Come on, everyone, let's go play the pinball machine. (places leftover sandwiches in tray)

Ben: (confused) What? We don't have a pinball machine.

Ginger: We do now! Jeremy got us one! (places leftover sandwich in tray)

Jeremy: What a great group! I forgot your sandwich on purpose, Ben, but feel free to eat the leftovers! (spits on the sandwiches)

(Scene cuts to Ben talking to the viewer. Jeremy plays with the friends in the background.)

Ben: (to the viewers) I've got to get my friends to see the truth about Jeremy... before he gets all of them sick. But how? He's so smooth! Well, if he won't slip up, I'll just have to slip him up. I'm gonna frame him.

Role-Playing[]

(Scene cuts to Hank in the bathroom. Hank plays with a bottle of shampoo and conditioner.)

Hank: "I love you, shampoo!" "Where have you've been all my life, conditioner?" (makes the bottles "kiss") Boy, he is silky-smooth. Oh, that reminds me! I have to wash my hair.

Germ-Framing[]

(Scene cuts to the garage common area. Ben kicks over a trash can, then throws the items from the trash around the area. He takes out a marker.)

Ben: Now for the icing on the germ-cake. (removes cap)

(Ben writes "GERMS RULE" on a backdrop.)

Ben: (frames Jeremy) Guys, you've got to come see this! And look at that! Look at that!

Tom: That's my favorite wall!

Ben: It says, "GERMS RULE." The only germ here is Jeremy, so logically, he is the culprit.

Angela: That is ridiculous! Jeremy was with us all afternoon singing karaoke. There is no way he could've been here.

Ben: (scoffs) We don't have a karaoke machine!

Ginger: We do now! Jeremy bought us one!

Ben: (angry) Where does he get all this money?!

Tom: (shows phone) And look at how much fun we're having.

(The phone plays a song.)

Tom: See? He was with us, Ben.

Angela: So stop trying to get us not to like Jeremy. That is mega-lame. Come on, let's go chill in the ballpit.

Ben: (shouts) Ballpit?! Can't you see what he's doing?! A ballpit is the most unsanitary play area known to science!!!

Jeremy: Give it up, Ben. They'll never believe you. I've completely stolen your friends, and pretty soon, they'll all be sick, and then, we'll see who the real germ is.

Ben: (record scratch) Still you?

Jeremy: Ta-ta, Ben! (knocks over cup) Oops. (leaves)

(Ben growls.)

(Scene cuts to the bathroom. There are tally marks drawn all over the walls.)

Hank: And that makes... (sneezes) 6,465 lines. Or was that 4,656? (sighs) Do-over! (counts tallies) 1... 2...

(Scene cuts to the living room. Ben speaks to the viewer.)

Ben: Well, my closest friends all love Jeremy, and if he's their friend, well, I guess that I'll just have to find a way to get along with him, too. (sighs) That's not gonna be easy.

Jeremy's Defeat[]

(Scene cuts to the kitchen. Jeremy throws out several fruits in the refrigerator.)

Jeremy: Alright, let's see, this is not good, this is garbage, this is trash, this is good. Oh, an orange! Vitamin C you later! (throws out orange and laughs)

(Ben enters and clears his throat.)

Jeremy: Well, hello, Ben.

Ben: Hey, Jeremy. Look, I tried to frame you for making that mess. It was wrong. I apologize.

Jeremy: It was, and you do! (laughs) It's a classic tale of "germ-beats-person." Let's say we... shake on it, friend-o? (holds out hand)

Ben: Sure.

(Ben shakes Jeremy's hand. Jeremy realizes that Ben is wearing a glove.)

Jeremy: Hey, are you wearin'... a glove?!

Ben: I guess you could say, I'm a germophobe! (drags Jeremy away)

Jeremy: Hey! What are you doing?!

(Ben drags Jeremy into the bathroom.)

Hank: Hey, Ben, who are you bringing to visit? (notices Jeremy) He looks strangely familiar.

(Punching sounds are heard from outside the bathroom.)

Jeremy: No, Ben, take it easy! We just got off on the wrong foot, that's all! I can change, I swear!

(The friends hurry over.)

Ben: In you go!

Jeremy: Noooo!

(A toilet flush is heard.)

Jeremy: You'll get yours, Ben! I swear on my- (screams)

(Hank exits the bathroom.)

Hank: Watch it, you guys. Ben is giving out swirlies. (sneezes)

Tom: Wha- Ben, what just happened? Where's Jeremy? What did you do to him?

Ben: (sighs) Relax, Tom. He's in a better place now.

Angela: (gasps) You killed him?!

Ben: What?! No! I flushed him down the toilet, which leads to the sewer. It's an ideal habitat for a germ. He'll have plenty of friends down there.

Ginger: No, Jeremy! Now who's gonna chew my gum for me?

Ben: He was only trying to make you sick, and chew your own gum!

Angela: Ben, you don't get to decide who we can be friends with and who gets flushed down the toilet!

Tom: Yeah, that's right! And another thing... (sneezes)

Hank: Gesundheit!

(Ginger sneezes.)

Tom: Guys, I don't feel so good.

Ginger: Yeah, me neither.

(Angela sneezes on Hank.)

Hank: Yeugh!

Angela: They always come in three. (sneezes)

(Hank holds up Ginger to block Angela's sneeze droplets.)

Sick Ending[]

(Scene cuts to the bathroom. The friends are all quarantined, and Ben serves them soup.)

Tom: (stuffy) Aw, I can't believe we let Jeremy fool us like that. We were so stupid.

Angela: (sneezes) I know. I am never taking an open-faced mystery sandwich from a talking bacteria ever again.

Ginger: Sorry we didn't believe you, Ben. (sneezes)

Ben: Don't worry about it. All that matters is that you learned your lesson... and sent all the bad germs to the sewer, where they belong.

(Ben exits and closes the door. He sprays the door handle.)

(Scene pans to the sewers.)

Jeremy: Those fools! They think putting me down here will get rid of me? Well, let 'em. I'll be back one day, and I won't be alone! (laughs)

(Scene zooms out to show hundreds of germs identical to Jeremy.)

(Credits roll)

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