(Scene shows the kitchen. Hank is preparing food in the kitchen.)
Hank: Okay. Who is ready to try the greatest sandwich the world has ever known, the "Hank's Special?"
Ginger: I am!
(Angela's stomach rumbles.)
Angela: Ah, me too. I'm starving.
Ginger: I'm starving more!
Hank: Now for the finishing touch, my secret ingredient. I don't want to reveal what it is, so please close your eyes.
(Angela and Ginger groan.)
(Hank opens the refrigerator.)
Hank: Has anybody seen the vinegar?
Angela: Is vinegar your secret ingredient?
Hank: Ha, ha, nice try, Angela. (spots vinegar) Ooh!
(Tom enters, running.)
Tom: You guys, you guys, (pants) the CEO is having a birthday party, and we're invited!
(Angela's stomach rumbles.)
Angela: Wait, how did we get an invite?
Tom: Well, let's just say that someone hacked into the guest list and added our names.
(Ginger clears his throat.)
Tom: Fine. Ginger hacked the guest list, but I asked him to.
Ginger: It was so easy.
(Angela's stomach rumbles.)
Angela: Oh, you guys are gonna get into so much trouble.
Tom: Not when we show up to his party with our newest invention... the Tompoline! (shows blueprints)
(Angela's stomach rumbles.)
Tom: This supercharged trampoline will revolutionize the world of spring and fabric-based propulsion!
(The door opens.)
Tom: Huh?
(Ben walks in slowly. Lighting strikes behind him.)
Ben: Guess who has two thumbs and is performing at the CEO's birthday party?!
Hank: Is it Angela?
Angela: Yeah, is it Angela?
Ben: No, it's me! They booked me to do stand-up.
(The friends do not respond.)
Ben: Stand-up comedy?
Hank: No, thanks. I'm gonna go lie down.
(Theme song plays)
(Ben approaches the microphone to practice his comedy.)
Ben: How many astronomers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
(The friends watch while eating their sandwiches, bored.)
Ben: None! They prefer to work in the dark.
Tom: Agh! Enough!
(Scene cuts to the bathroom.)
Tom: We have got to stop Ben. If the CEO hears one of his terrible jokes, he's gonna think we're the lamest, most uninspired company ever! Which means there's no way we'll be millionaires by the date I predicted on my calendar.
(Scene cuts back.)
Tom: I'm sorry, but your stand-up is just... not as good as, uh, it could be.
Angela: Mm, that's an understatement.
Ben: I'm all for constructive criticism. That's how we artists improve.
Tom: Well, there's something... maybe it's your delivery, or your jokes, or the fact that you're not funny.
Ben: So, you're saying it's my delivery, then?
Tom: Or, maybe, you know, the other two things I mentioned.
Ben: Hm, so all I have to do is find some way to improve my delivery...
(Ben knocks over his microphone stand and runs off.)
Tom: Oh, no. Was that his robot-building face?
(Scene cuts to the office, after Ben has finished building his invention.)
Ben: Friends, prepare to witness history!
(The desk that is suspended in the air is slowly lowered.)
Ben: To improve my comedy delivery, I created the world's first, fully-robotic, fully-hilarious, ventriloquist dummy!
(Ben removes the cloak on the desk, revealing an animatronic underneath.)
Ben: Rise, Galileo! Rise!
(The robot, resembling Ben, sits up.)
Ben: Oh, yeah, I named him Galileo.
Galileo: Hello, I am Galileo. Enthusiasm on. Calculating comedy. Loading jokes.
Ben: It's alive! Alive! (cackles)
Hank: Whoa, this reminds me of that movie about the mad scientist who created a monster.
Angela: You mean Frankenstein?
Hank: No, that's not it.
Angela: Hank, you're thinking of Frankenstein!
Hank: No, hold on, hold on. Oh, it's on the tip of my tongue. (tastes fingers) No, that's vinegar.
Angela: Whatever-stein. (leaves to get another sandwich)
Galileo: Nice to be here! Say. Why did the chemist sit on a whoopee cushion?
Ben: I don't know, Galileo. Why did the chemist sit on a whoopee cushion?
Galileo: Because he was looking for a big reaction!
(Ben laughs.)
Galileo: Thank you.
Tom: Is Galileo even less funny than Ben?
Angela: Oh, I don't know. I'm pretending I can't hear. (bites into sandwich)
(Angela's sandwich squirts a small amount of vinegar into Galileo's mouth.)
Ben: Oh, no!
(Galileo malfunctions and shuts off.)
(Ben approaches Galileo slowly. Galileo suddenly turns back on. Ben screams, startled.)
Galileo: Did I just make a joke about chemistry? Yikes! That is lame! (chuckles) Almost as lame as that lab coat. (points to Ben's lab coat)
(The friends laugh.)
Galileo: Ah, yeah, huh? The only thing more drab and boring than that lab coat is the guy wearing it! Hey-yo!
(The friends laugh.)
Ginger: Say, he got you, Ben!
Galileo: Did somebody just say something? Because all I heard was "goo-goo-ga-ga"!
(The friends laugh harder.)
(Scene cuts to the bathroom. Tom and Ben speak to the audience.)
Ben: Apparently, the vinegar from Hank's sandwich had the perfect acidity to turn Galileo into a delightful wisecracker!
Tom: For the first time ever, I'm actually confident that Ben will get laughs onstage.
Ben: I'm sure there's been other times...
Tom: Nope.
Ben: Aw.
(Scene cuts to night. Tom, Ben and Hank each pour more vinegar into Galileo's mouth while the others are asleep.)
Tom: (adds vinegar) A little more vinegar to make sure his tongue is sharp for tomorrow.
Ben: A little extra comedy never hurt anybody. (adds vinegar)
Hank: (sleepwalks) Hello, Mr. Garden. You look thirsty. (adds water) Let me water your flowers.
(Galileo begins to malfunction.)
Galileo: (cackles) Gayayeo!
Hank: (yawns) Come on, McGillicuddy. Back to headquarters.
(Scene cuts to the next night. The friends enter.)
Hank: ...And then, he laid in a tree and ate eucalyptus for twenty whole minutes. It was awesome.
(Galileo scurries and sneaks around the garage, giggling.)
Tom: And they actually showed all that?
Hank: Oh, yeah. The Lazy Adventures of Crazy Koala is all about marsupial be-
(As Hank speaks, Galileo sneaks up onto the desk and holds the microphone. His eyes are now red instead of blue.)
Galileo: Achoo! Oh, I'm sorry. I just happen to be allergic to boring stories! (laughs)
(The friends laugh.)
Ben: Hey-yo, Galileo! Remember to save some zings for the big show today.
Galileo: Don't worry, I'll be ready. (giggles sinisterly)
Angela: Me, too! I even wrote a new song. (clears throat, sings while dancing)
Hey, Mr. CEO!
Give us a little dough!
Be a pal, don't be mean,
Please buy a Tompoline!
Galileo: (interrupts) Ow!
Angela: Huh?
Galileo: The last time I heard a noise that shrill and ear-piercing, my dentist was giving me a root canal.
(The friends laugh except for Angela. Tom notices how she feels and speaks up.)
Tom: Uh... whoa, hey, Galileo, that is a little harsh.
Galileo: Did I strike a nerve? Yes, I struck a nerve! Oh, wow-wow-wow-wow!
Angela: What's with Galileo? These aren't even jokes, they're just straight-up insults.
Ginger: I don't know! I think he's funnier than ever!
Galileo: (mocks Ginger) "I think he's funnier than ever!" Hey, news flash, Tiny. Nobody cares what your dumb face thinks!
Ginger: Hey!
Hank: Chillax, bro-bot! Ginger is just a kid.
Galileo: Oh, boo-hoo-hoo. Too much? (laughs)
Tom: Ben, you've gotta do something! If he insults the CEO like this, we're gonna be in serious trouble!
Ben: Hm, something's gone haywire. I'm gonna shut Galileo down so I can check his circuits.
Galileo: Watch it, Pal! No one's shutting anyone down.
(Ben chases Galileo. He leaps at Galileo but Galileo dodges.)
(Tom throws a fish at Galileo, but he dodges. Galileo jumps on Tom's head, knocks over a lamp, attacks Tom with his microphone, and gets past the friends on a skateboard.)
Galileo: Hate to break it to you, Talking Tom, or should I say, Never-Stops-Talking Tom, but I am gonna insult the CEO! And I'm gonna make sure he knows I was proudly built by Tom and Ben Enterprises. (laughs, leaves)
Ben: Stop!
Tom: No!
(A montage is shown of the friends chasing Galileo.)
(Scene cuts to the party. The friends have failed to catch Galileo.)
CEO: (into microphone) Check, one, two. Okay, I see three checks. Just a reminder, charity donations made in my name do not count as birthday presents.
(Galileo enters and barricades the door with a broom.)
Galileo: Bow-wow-wow!
(The spotlight shines on Galileo as he approaches the stage.)
CEO: Hey, looks like it's time for the comedian!
Galileo: Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't hear you! I was distracted by that filthy, half-dead caterpillar stapled to your lip.
(The crowd laughs.)
(The friends arrive, but they struggle to get past the barricaded door. They try to open it with force.)
CEO: Well, I-I had soup earlier, and there-there was no napkin...
(The crowd laughs while the friends keep pounding on the door.)
Galileo: Everyone here either works for you or they just want to sell you one of their lame inventions! (laughs)
(The crowd winces.)
Galileo: Where'd you get that outfit from? Makemelookbad.suit? And the company you founded? Guess what? It's terrible! The only worse company is the one run by...
(The friends burst through the door and collapse. The crowd gasps.)
Galileo: ...Those guys.
Ben: Don't listen to him, Mr. CEO!
Galileo: They're the ones who built me.
(Ben chases Galileo across the stage. Galileo attempts escaping by floating away on balloons.)
Ben: That's it! (grabs Galileo)
Galileo: Hey!
(Ben pulls Galileo to the ground.)
Galileo: Hey, get off of me! What's the big idea?!
(Ben rips open Galileo's front panel and tears out several wires.)
Galileo: (spasms) Galileo... losing... power.
(Galileo shuts down. The crowd boos Ben.)
Ben: (sobs) I had to.
CEO: What. Was! That?!
Ben: Aw. Sir, I just created Galileo to help me with my comedy delivery. I'm very sorry if he offended you.
CEO: Oh, I'm not offended.
(Tom and Hank gasp.)
Ben: Really?
CEO: Do you know what it's like being the most powerful CEO in town?
Hank: Heck, yeah!
CEO: Of course, you don't. Everyone's always telling you what you want to hear. No one ever gives it to you straight. This robotic dummy was finally giving me some honest feedback as part of his comedy act, but you destroyed him!
Ben: Wow, I don't know what to say.
CEO: Well, I better think of something, because I paid for a comedy show.
(Scene cuts to Ben giving his unappealing stand-up.)
Ben: So, why did the teacher send the periodic table to the-
CEO: Boo! No science jokes! Come on! Be funny, like your insult comedy dummy.
Ben: All right.
CEO: Does he know it's my birthday?
Ben: Hey, CEO! I heard you're so mean that your goldfish evolved legs and ran away! Hey-yo!
CEO: (gasps) My goldfish?!
(The CEO starts crying while remembering his pleasant times with his goldfish.)
CEO: She... she's... she's passed away! How could you?! (cries)
Ben: Oh, I'm sorry. Oh, I had no idea-
CEO: (stops crying) And you ruined my birthday. Security!
Ben: Let's get outta here! (runs)
(The friends run along with him.)
Tom: Everybody run! (stops running) And, sing.
(Credits roll)