(Scene shows the garage. Tom and Ben lift boxes out of the storage room.)
Tom: Can we get this done quickly? It's Songs n' Lasers Night at the Rollerskate Pit. (gasps) Let's dump everything in a garbage bag and throw it outside! We'll be done in five minutes!
(Ben sighs and goes back to moving boxes.)
Tom: It's not like we're using this junk anyway. I mean, what's even in here? Receipts and sandwich wrappers?
Ben: Actually, it's all stuff from when we first started working together. (holds picture of him with Ben)
Tom: (laughs) Look at how ridiculous we looked! And by we, I mean you, 'cause I look totally cool in this picture.
Ben: We were just two guys with a dream, a garage, and a mouse. Did we even have a business plan? (takes box, falls backward)
(Tom coughs from the dust. Ben finds a device in the box.)
Ben: (blows off dust, sees device) Huh! Can you believe we used to work on such primitive machines?
(The device is a bulky device with a screen and keyboard, resembling a tablet but less advanced.)
Ben: Look how many centimeters thick this is! (takes out phone) Look, modern smartphone, it's your ancestor. I feel bad for it, too. (chuckles)
Tom: Didn't you write your first program on this thing?
Ben: Yeah. I never could get it to work, though. I wasn't such an experienced programmer back in those days.
Tom: Oh, come on, I bet you could fix it now.
Ben: Huh. (takes out screwdriver) Let's see if this works.
Tom: Huh?
(Ben starts fixing the device. Tom rolls his eyes and walks away.)
Ben: Oh, hold on, let me blow on it. (blows dust out of device)
Tom: (sarcastically) Oh, yeah, that always works.
(Theme song plays)
(Tom is on a wheeled chair. He throws a ball into a wastebasket.)
Tom: He shoots... it's good!
(An imaginary crowd is heard cheering on Tom.)
Tom: Yes!
Ben: And I immediately found the problem! Someone stuffed a marshmallow into the back of the tablet!
(There is a marshmallow stuck to the tablet's circuit board.)
Tom: Oh, wow, yeah! From our college prank marshmallow war, remember? (record scratch) I mean, I wonder who did that.
Ben: Dah! This is why I don't let you touch my things anymore. (pulls out marshmallow)
(Ben sets the tablet onto the table, blows dust off, and turns it on.)
(A face appears in the tablet's screen.)
Tablet: Exit Sleep Mode.
Ben: Huh, maybe my programming wasn't the problem after all.
Tablet: (yawns) Initiating search for: da-da-da-daddy.
Ben: Nah, the voice on this program must still have a glitch. It just mispronounced the word "Ben" as "daddy."
Tablet: My daddy i-i-is: Ben.
Ben: Huh?
Tom: Uh, Ben? What was this program supposed to do?
Ben: I don't even remember. I think I just made it because I was bored.
Tablet: My daddy made me. My daddy is Ben. Ben is my da-da-daddy. Daddy Ben made m-m-m-me.
Ben: Huh?
Tablet: I love you, daddy, daddy, daddy, daddy- (turns off)
Tom: Daddy. Ha!
(Scene cuts to Ben speaking to the viewer in the bathroom.)
Ben: I didn't set out to make a computer that feels love. Personally, I find the idea of love complicated and icky. (chuckles) The only explanation is that the program I wrote has accidentally developed the personality of a small child. I guess I don't really have to explain that. It's just basic computer science, right?
(Scene cuts to the living room. Hank flips through channels on television.)
Hank: Seen it. Seen it. Don't want to see it. Ooh, a four-hour background image of a fishtank! I've been meaning to check this out.
(The tablet rolls by on wheels.)
Hank: (screams) Guys, we're infested with robot rats! Do we have any virtual cheese?
Tom: This isn't a robot rat. It's a computer that Ben brought to life, obviously. (picks up tablet)
Hank: How cute! Aw, he's got Daddy's eyes!
Ben: Sorry. Boomerang was getting in the way while I was cleaning, so I gave it wheels to move around and entertain itself.
Tom: Boomerang?
Boomerang: I-I-I'm Boomerang!
Ben: It likes to be called Boomerang.
Hank: I don't know, Ben. Computer kids are a big responsibility. From what I've seen on TV, you have to talk to your kids almost every day, and warn them about... "stranger-danger."
Ben: Well, I think of every program that I write as my offspring. Boomerang is no different.
(Boomerang crashes into the couch and gets stuck under it.)
Boomerang: Daddy, I'm stuck! It's dusty and dark under here. Help, Daddy! Help, Daddy! (sobs)
(Ben quickly helps Boomerang out of the couch.)
Ben: I'll sing you a lullaby. (to Tom) The modem noise always calms him down. (makes noises)
(Booomerang falls asleep.)
Tom: Um...
Ben: So, like I was saying, this isn't gonna be a big deal at all.
(Scene cuts. Boomerang chases Ginger around for fun, creating a mess around the garage.)
Ginger: (runs) Cut it out, Boomerang! (laughs)
Boomerang: You can't get me, Ginger!
Ben: Everybody, knock it off! Boomerang, slow down. Ginger, stop riling up the toddler tablet.
Ginger: You can't shoot me because I have a force field that shoots back lasers, so when you shot me you actually hit yourself!
Boomerang: No fair, no fair! Force fields are cheating! (tackles Ginger)
Tom: Oh, man! This room looks worse than before. We're never gonna make it to Songs n' Lasers Night at the Rollerskate Pit at this rate! I am so disappointed.
Ben: Eh, yeah, there's been an unexpected development. Boomerang's computer brain is growing quickly. Now, he's already about Ginger's age.
Tom: Well, if you don't think you can go to Songs n' Lasers Night, I understand. I mean, you kind of have a kid now. I can go with Hank.
Hank: Yes!
Ben: Of course I want to go! It's a night with both songs and lasers.
Hank: Never mind.
Ben: We'll just quickly clean up the garage and be ready to go- oh!
(Ben gets his foot caught in a snare trap and is sent hanging upside down.)
Ginger: Oh, man, I didn't think that would actually work!
Ben: Ginger!
Boomerang: Uh-huh! Let's throw things at him while he can't move!
(Boomerang and Ginger throw objects at Ben.)
Ben: Guys, I don't know if I'm gonna be able to go out tonight.
Tom: Don't give up just yet. I'm gonna make a call to someone who might just give us some help. She's an expert. (calls)
(Scene cuts. Angela is in the garage.)
Angela: Guys, get a clue. Just because I'm a girl doesn't mean I know how to babysit. Anyway, I charge by the hour. Oh, and I'll keep him away from the TV and you just tell me when his bedtime is.
Tom: Aw, you are a lifesaver, Angela. I was starting to think we wouldn't make it to the coolest laser-and-music-and-roller-skate-themed night in town.
Angela: Oh, it's fine, and also fine that you weren't going to invite me to that fun thing! (chuckles) So, can I meet the little dude?
Ben: Yeah, he's around here somewhere. Boomerang!
Angela: (gasps) Boomerang! (ducks)
(Boomerang appears, having a different face.)
Angela: Oh, his name is Boomerang. Hey, little guy.
Boomerang: 'Sup.
Angela: (baby-talks) We're gonna have so much fun while Ben and Tom go out, okay? Does that sound like a good idea? Yes, it does, yes, it does!
Boomerang: Uh, why is this old lady talking to me like I'm some kind of kid? I'm not a kid, okay? I'm, like, four hours old.
Ginger: Hey, Boomerang! Did you forget we were just about to start playing King Pirate Robot?
Boomerang: Ugh, pirates are so done.
Ginger: (gasps) You take that back! I can't even be around you anymore, Boomerang! You've changed!
Boomerang: Whatever. (leaves)
Ben: Hmm, his programming must have upgraded again. He now has the personality of a surly preteen. Oh, man, I hope he doesn't fry his circuits with all these upgrades.
Tom: He'll be fine. Now, let's get out of here before Angela changes her mind.
Boomerang: You know, I don't really need a babysitter. Why don't you just let me come with you?
Ben: I don't know, Boomerang. I kinda need a break, okay?
Boomerang: Come on, I've never been to a party. I'd be great at a party. Check my moves. (dances)
Ben: Look, I'm not taking you because you're just a program that I wrote and I need time to myself, okay?
Boomerang: (sobs) Well, if you don't want me around, then I'll just go, just go, just go. (bumps into door)
Ben: Wait, Boomerang, I didn't mean it the way it sounded.
(Boomerang sobs and keeps pushing on the door, but it does not open.)
Tom: (sighs) You have to pull it to open it. (opens door)
Boomerang: I hate everyone and nobody understands me! I want to listen to my music! Teen stuff, bleugh, bleugh, bleugh! (tries to exit)
Ben: Tom, it looks like I won't be going to the Rollerskate Pit after all. Boomerang, you're right. I can't just ignore you. What do you say we go out and get a milkshake? Just the two of us.
Boomerang: Well, I don't have a mouth or any way to consume food, but sure, whatever.
(Scene cuts to the diner. Ben and Boomerang are at the booth.)
Ben: So, then, I rewrote all your code, and that's how you were born.
Boomerang: Gross. I did not need to hear that.
Ben: It's perfectly natural.
Boomerang: Ew, dad!
(The air conditioner blows.)
Boomerang: Hey, do you think that air conditioning unit is looking at me?
Ben: Uh, air conditioning? Well, I'm not sure how I'd be able tell that. Um, maybe?
Boomerang; Uh, it doesn't matter. Someone with that many amps wouldn't have any use for a guy like me, anyway.
Ben: Hey, never say that about yourself. You are a great application, sweet Boomerang, and I am proud of you.
Boomerang: Really? Oh... (hugs Ben)
(Tom enters.)
Tom: Oh, wow, Ben, you really missed out, man. I mean, the Rollerskate Pit was a life-changing experience. I mean, I don't think I'm ever gonna look at inline footwear the same way again. (sips cup) I mean, aw, you guys made up!
Ben: You know what? We have. This day hasn't gone the way I planned it, but maybe that's okay, 'cause I've got Boomerang now.
Boomerang: And I've got you, Pop. Update available: Young Adult Mode.
(Boomerang's screen flickers.)
Boomerang: Oh- error. Not enough memory. Error. Error. Circuit overload. Shutting down.
Ben: Boomerang?
Boomerang: Shutting down.
Ben: Boomerang?!
Boomerang: Shutting dow- (shuts off)
Ben: Boomerang!
Tom: Did I break another computer thing? I didn't mean to! I didn't even bring a marshmallow this time!
Ben: No! Boomerang's clunky old computer body can't contain his rapidly-expanding mind! (groans) Why is old technology such junk?! Didn't old-time people know that they should just make good things?!
Boomerang: Booomeera... (shuts back off)
Tom: Wait, if it's the old technology that's junk, maybe you could put Boomerang in your new phone!
Ben: But that would connect Boomerang to the internet. Once he's there, he'll be out in the harsh world. I won't be able to protect him!
Boomerang: Goodbye, Dad. Boomerang out. (shuts off)
Tom: You protected him for a quarter of a day, Ben. It's time to let him go into that harsh world on his own.
Ben: Gah, why does everyone say being a parent is super easy?!
Tom: Pretty sure no one's ever said that.
Ben: Well, that makes sense, then, because it's not easy at all!
(Ben plugs his phone into the tablet.)
Ben: There you go, little guy.
(Boomerang's face appears on the phone.)
Boomerang: Whoa, the internet.
Ben: Boomerang, promise me you'll stay out of trouble. Use numbers and letters in your passwords, avoid spam emails, and... don't touch popup ads!
Boomerang: Uh, yeah, I know, Dad! I'm not running on BASIC, duh.
Ben: That's my Boomerang. Email home, okay?
Boomerang: Okay, sure, you got it, dad! Gotta go! (leaves)
Ben: They grow up so fast.
Tom: Yeah, but, hey, he's moved on to something really great. I mean, who knows what kind of amazing, brilliant, mindblowing stuff that kid is up to right now?
(Boomerang is in the internet.)
Boomerang: Woo, party!
(Credits roll)