(Scene shows the garage. Tom and Angela watch a show on television.)
TV Host: Welcome back to Couple Clash, the most romantic show on television. Now it's time for the next round. (to contestant) Ryan, your first question: what is your girlfriend, Daisy's, favorite flower?
Ryan: Um..
Daisy: This is super easy. You got it, babe.
Ryan: Uh, let's see, uh... a rose?
(A buzzer sounds, indicating a wrong answer.)
Daisy: (angrily) A rose?! Ryan, my name is Daisy!
Angela: Wow, now that is a bad couple.
Tom: Yeah, it is. I mean, you know my favorite flower, right?
Angela: What? Oh, um, of course. I was gonna say... rose?
Tom: Uh...
Angela: Tulip. Oh, geranium! Okay, well, then, what's my favorite flower?
Tom: Well, that's easy, it's a... rose.
Angela: No.
(Tom and Angela gasp.)
Angela: Are we a bad couple?
Tom: I don't know!
Hank: Far from it! You guys are great!
(Hank is seen filming with a camera.)
Tom, Angela: Hank!
Angela: What are you doing?
Hank: Oh, just capturing this couple's moment for the webseries I do about our exciting lives. The fans love watching you guys date.
Tom: We're dealing with a relationships crisis- wait, the fans love watching us date?
Hank: Sure! Check this trending board. (shows tablet)
(The tablet shows a bar graph depicting the friends' popularity. Tom and Angela have the highest scores.)
Tom: Oh, wow!
Angela: Tom, we have proof that we’re a good couple!
Tom: Yeah! People from all over the world agree that we’re hot!
Angela: We’re the best!
Hank: That’s for sure. Comments from the fans are pouring in. (reads comments) “Tom, you’re the best.” “Angela, I love you.” “Congratulations, you have won a free cruise..." Oh, that’s not about you. But it’s still good news!
(Theme song plays)
(A montage is shown of Tom and Angela together.)
(Tom and Angela watch television. Both reach for the remote, and end up holding each other's hands.)
Tom, Angela: Couples moment!
(Scene cuts to the kitchen. Tom and Angela both drink the same beverage.)
Tom, Angela: Couples moment!
(Scene cuts to the bathroom. Tom and Angela both wait outside, needing to use the bathroom.)
Tom, Angela: (hold crotches) Couples moment!
Tom: (chuckles) Okay, but who goes first?
(Scene cuts. Hank views the bar graph. Tom and Angela's scores are far higher than Ben and Ginger's.)
Hank: Whoa, you two are the top trenders!
Tom: That's...
Angela: ...just...
Tom: ...'cause...
Angela: ...we're...
Tom: ...totally...
Angela: ...right...
Tom: ...for...
Angela: ...each...
Tom: ...other! High-five! (high-fives Angela, giggles)
Ginger: What about me? (refers to bar graph) You're hot peppers and I'm just a sick fish!
Hank: Oh, that's a dead fish.
Ginger: What?! He was just resting like that goldfish I got!
Hank: Sorry, the trending board doesn't lie.
Angela: Well, I guess fans just love the Tom and Angela relationship story. I've never felt more confident about us.
Tom: Uh-huh, yep, and I can't think of anything that could possibly change that.
(Ben screams in pain, having burnt hands.)
Ben: (screams, runs) Hands! Hot cheese! Hot! Burrito! Ow! I never knew a burrito could make me feel this way! (screams)
(Ben sees the bathroom, which is covered in ice. He runs into the bathroom, screaming.)
(Ginger giggles.)
Hank: (holds video camera) Sorry, guys, duty calls!
(Scene cuts to Ben's desk. Ben consults the Internet Doctor online. His hands are bandaged.)
Dr. Internet Doctor: Ben, there's no easy way to put this, but it's my medical opinion you've got... messed-up hands! I'm afraid you won't be able to use them for a week.
Ben: A week?! (groans, facepalms) Ow!
Dr. Internet Doctor: Oh, two weeks if you keep doing that.
Ben: But what about my long-distance girlfriend, Xenon? We communicate through the computer and I need my hands for that!
Dr. Internet Doctor: Oh, using your hands on a computer could make them... super-messed-up!
Ben: But this week is our pi anniversary: three months, one week, four days, one hour and 59 seconds since our first date! Isn't there something you could do to help me?
Dr. Internet Doctor: What's that, nurse, who definitely exists? Oh, that sounds very important! Uh, gotta go! (ends call)
(Ben slams the table, but screams in pain.)
Hank: Tough break, Ben, but look at the bright side! The fans love your pain! Check out these comments. (reads comments) "Ben, I love your pain." "Ben, you and hot cheese are hilarious." "Hurry, your free cruise offer is about to expire-" oh, that guy again.
(Scene cuts to Tom and Angela inspecting the bar graph. This time, Ben's popularity exceeds Tom and Angela.)
Tom: That's weird, 'cause I feel like we're getting better and better as a couple, but it's not being reflected on the trending board.
Angela: Huh, Hank's trending machine must be broken.
Hank: No, my machine is fine. It's just that it's gonna be hard for you two guys to trend like Ben. Have you seen his zany shenanigans lately?
Ben: I just spent three hours trying to floss.
Hank: (laughs) Great! You're nailin' it, Ben-baby!
Ben: I'm in agony. (leaves)
Hank: (holds video camera) Hang on, wait for me!
Angela: (offended) We're less interesting to the viewers than burnt hands?! What does that say about us?!
Tom: I'm sure it's nothing. Just a little rough patch we're goin' through. We'll be back on top soon!
(Meanwhile, Ben tries to sit on the chair but struggles to balance without his hands. Hank films.)
Ben: Oh.
(Ben receives a call from Xenon.)
Ben: Oh, no, Xenon is calling! Accept, accept it!
Xenon (message): Hi!
(Ben tries to answer, but fails to without hands.)
Xenon (message): Uh, Ben, are you there?
Ben: I'm here, I'm here, my sweet! (tries to use keyboard)
Xenon (message): I bet you're doing the thing where it looks like you're not there, but you're really there, but then you are not there, because it's working, 'cause I don't see you at all.
(Ben tries using his elbows to answer the call, but to no avail.)
Ben: (screams) Nothing works!
Ginger: (enters) Looks like you could use a helping hand! Or should I say two?
Ben: I don't need your help! I know you're just trying to move up that stupid trending board.
Xenon (message): Beeen, are you ignoring me?
Ben: I'm not ignoring you!
Xenon (message): Uh, I guess, if you hate me now, just continue to not answer this call.
Ben: No, no, no, I don't hate you now!
Xenon (message): Oh, well, I'm gonna go now. I guess I'll just spend the rest of the day thinking of things I might have done wrong. Talk to you later. Bye. (ends call)
(Ben slumps.)
Ben: (to Ginger) Fine. I need your help!
Ginger: (laughs) I will be your hands! (calls back Xenon)
Xenon (on computer): Oh, you don't hate me. That's neat.
Ben: (laughs) I see. Ginger, wave to Xenon.
(Ginger waves.)
Xenon: (laughs) Oh, what happened? Did you burn your hands on a burrito and now you're using Ginger as your arms?
Ben: Yes, though Ginger is also using me. You see, he's piggybacking off of my popularity for the trending board.
(Ginger holds a bouquet of flowers. Xenon laughs.)
Ben: Piggybacker.
(Scene cuts to the bathroom. Tom and Angela consult Hank, disguised as a fortune teller.)
Tom: Hank, we're not top trenders anymore. Does that mean we aren't a good couple?
Hank: Well, the board does indicate that the fire between you has cooled. You're right between microwaved popcorn and plain yogurt.
(Tom gasps.)
Angela: What happened to us?!
Tom: I don't know, but I'm not giving up on us. If people are losing interest, we're just gonna have to do whatever it takes to get that interest back.
Angela: You're right, Tom. Let's get out there and trend harder!
(Scene cuts to the front lawn. Hank films Tom and Angela.)
Hank: Rolling! And action!
Angela: (to camera) Oh, hey, viewers, we didn't see you there. We were too busy being such a great couple. We're also a great couples band, and we're called the Perfect Pair.
Tom: You have to be a really good couple to have a couple's band, and we have one. And a one, and a two, and a three, and a four!
Angela: (strums guitar, sings) It's two strawberries on a vine,
Tom: It's two bumblebees feeling fine.
Angela: It's two old shoes makin' a pair,
Tom: It's the last slice of pizza that we always share!
(Hank moves away.)
Angela: Hank, where'd you go?
(Inside, Ginger is strapped to Ben with a baby harness. Ginger juggles bats.)
Ben: Don't drop it. Catch that one! Don't mess it up!
(Hank films.)
(Xenon watches and claps.)
Ben: We're doing great!
(Tom and Angela enter.)
Tom: Hank? What?!
Ginger: (continues juggling) Stop distracting me!
Ben: Quiet. Arms can't talk.
Hank: Great stuff, Ginger-baby! The viewers are lovin' ya! (reads comments) "Ginger is the best!" "Ben is still tots adorbs!" "Your free cruise left without you!" Aw, man.
Angela: Hank, you left us!
Tom: If we don't show the fans how great our relationship is, then how are we supposed to trend, huh?
Hank: Sorry, but you gotta give the people what they want.
Tom: They want us! ...Don't they?
Hank: Look, I'm not saying you should break up because you're not trending, but... if you want to save your relationship, try to be more like Ben.
(Angela gasps.)
Tom: What?
Ben: Well, Xenon, this was fun. And you know, we'll have even more fun tomorrow, for our big pi anniversary!
(Xenon giggles.)
Ben: Arms.
(Ben uses Ginger's hand to blow a kiss.)
Ginger: Ugh. Disgusting.
(Ginger and Ben gain more popularity than Tom and Angela.)
Tom: Angela, if that's what the fans want, I say that's what we give them. (puts on shades)
Angela: (puts on shades) Yeah. I'm really gonna miss you if doesn't work.
(Scene cuts to the park. Ben sets up a picnic with Xenon on the laptop. Ginger is still strapped to Ben.)
Ben: Beautiful, just beautiful!
Xenon: (holds drawing) Oh, isn't it? I marked every radial with a different shade like you like.
Ben: Oh, Xeeny! In the equation that is our lives, when I solve for x, I only see you!
(Xenon laughs.)
Ginger: Oh, gross! (hits Ben with ping-pong paddle)
Ben: Ow! Not gross, arms. I'm being smooth!
(Tom and Angela appear with a cream pie.)
Tom: Hello, everyone! How is it going? Still trending higher than Angela and me? That's cool.
Ben: Excuse me? This is a private date.
Ginger: Yeah, a private date, for Ben's pi anniversary!
Angela: Well, we're having a pie anniversary, too- the anniversary of when we had pie.
Ben: That's not what a pi anniversary is!
Tom: (eats pie) Ours is.
Angela: Yeah!
Xenon: Why are Tom and Angela acting so weird?
Angela: (chuckles nervously) Tom, could you get me a pie anniversary slice of the sliced anniversary pie?
Tom: Of course, Angela. I'll just use both of my hands. (gets cream on hands) Ah, pie! Hot! Hands! Burn!
Angela: Oh, no, I said.
Ben: That's clearly an ice cream pie, Tom.
Tom: Oh. (fakes screams) That pie was so cold, I froze my hands!
Angela: Oh, no, again.
Xenon: Ben, I'm confused. Was the pie hot or cold?
Angela: Don't worry, Tom, I will be your hands!
(Angela stands in front of Tom, imitating Ginger by being Tom's "hands.")
Tom: Wow!
Ginger: Hey, I see what's going on. You guys are stealing my idea to get to the top of the trending board!
(Ginger and Angela fight. Angela accidentally elbows Tom a few times.)
Tom: Not in the face!
Ginger: You guys are idea-stealers!
Angela: Idea-stealers?! That is a dirty lie!
Tom: (to Ben) I'm sorry it came to this, but I am trying to save my relationship!
Ben: By ruining mine?!
Tom: Nobody's ruining anything.
Ben: Well, hey-
(Tom steps on a pie. The pie flies into the air and lands on the laptop.)
Ben: Oh!
(The friends gasp.)
Xenon: Aw, it's okay, guys, I don't think that the pie actually got into-
(The pie short-circuits the laptop, which explodes.)
Ben: No! Xenon!
(Scene cuts back to the garage. Tom and Angela enter.)
Tom: I think we got a little carried-away with the trending back there.
Angela: (sighs) I shoulda known the trending board doesn't tell you about your relationship. It just tells you that you're trending.
Tom: I mean, it is in the name, yeah.
Angela: Hm... Tom, we worked so hard to show that we have a good relationship because we have a good relationship. Oh, and my favorite flower is a sunflower.
Tom: Wow.
(Ben enters with the broken laptop, sobbing.)
Tom: Ben, I'm so sorry. I can't believe we let our insecurities ruin your weird pie thing with Xenon.
Ben: It's okay, guys. You just don't know how to date yet, so you look to a much stronger couple for inspiration.
Tom: Wait. You're not a stronger couple than us. If anything, we're a stronger couple than you!
Ben: Oh, please. You are nothing compared to the power-couple that is known as Xeben... or Benxenon! We're not sure yet. We're workin' on it. We got both URLs.
Tom: You're never even in the same room!
(Tom and Ben glare at each other. A wild west background surrounds them.)
(Scene cuts back to the garage. The Couple Clash host appears.)
Host: Surprised?
Hank: Guys, I couldn't stop 'em. He used his game-show-host-fu.
Host: That's right. I was riveted by the relationship drama on Hank's webseries, and I want you to be contestants on the very next episode of Couple Clash.
(Hank gasps.)
Tom, Ben: We'll do it!
(Next week on Couple Clash...)
(Scene cuts to the Couple Clash stage.)
Host: Tom, Angela, Ben, Xenon. Let's get clashy!
(Credits roll)