(Scene shows the garage. Ben is pitching an idea to Tom, Ginger and Hank, who are wearing orange jerseys or caps.)
Ben: Hey, there, athletic sporting contest fans. How many times have you missed the big game because of a tortilla chip injury?
Hank: Too many times to remember.
(Scene shows many images of Hank being injured by corn chips.)
Ben: Put away your safety goggles, because chips with sharp corners are now a thing of the past, thanks to... the Tor-trimma!
(The invention is a large machine with hands.)
(The invention activates, turning a triangular corn chip into a rounded shape.)
Tom: It smells like burnt plastic.
Ben: (wafts, smells) The smell of snack safety...
(The machine malfunctions, shooting corn chips at the friends.)
Ginger: Turn it off! Turn it off!
Ben: (jumps on machine) I'm trying!
Tom: Try harder!
Hank: Tom! (leaps, in slow-motion) Noooo!
(Hank leaps in front of Tom, eating three corn chips before they strike Tom.)
(The machine turns off.)
(Tom faints. Hank swallows.)
Ben: I guess I need to recalibrate the hypotenuse-finder.
(Angela holds the machine's plug, revealing she had unplugged the device.)
Angela: Hey, guys!
Hank: Thanks, Angela! You saved our- (sees Angela's jersey, gasps in horror) Ooooooh!
(Angela's jersey has the logo of the Piranhas basketball team.)
Angela: What? What's wrong?
Hank: Tom, look away. You don't want to see this!
Tom: What? I don't see what the- (sees jersey) Ow! My eyes! Is that a Piranhas shirt?! Tell me that's not a- (screams) it's a Piranhas shirt!
Angela: Huh? Oh, this? (scoffs) What's the big deal? The Piranhas are just a basketball team.
Tom: (gasps) Seeing you in that shirt cuts. It cuts like a corny tortilla chip to the gums.
Angela: (groans) Ben, help me out here.
Ben: (holds wrench) The Piranhas are in the championship game against our favorite team: the Barracudas!
Angela: Well, see? There you go. Piranhas, Barracudas, you can see why I got confused. They're, like, practically the same thing.
(Hank and Ginger gasp and faint.)
Tom: (gasps) The same?! Barracudas are honest, saltwater ambush predators, and piranhas?! They're nothing but freshwater cheaters who play dirty and hunt their prey in schools!
Angela: Oh, okay, I get it. (sarcastically) To prove I'm a Barracudas fan like you guys, I will never wear this disgusting, cheating team's shirt again!
(Hank and Ginger get up.)
Tom: Well, thank you for understanding, Angela.
Hank: Yes, it's for the best.
(Theme song plays)
(Scene cuts to the Grape Store. Angela walks through the street.)
Angela: (frustrated) Stupid basketball game! Why do they have two teams named after fish anyways? (mimics Tom) Barracudas are honest saltwater ambush predators, and piranhas are- oh, no, is that... Victoria Payne?
(Victoria Payne, the antagonistic critic from Angela's Critic, appears in the street.)
(A flashback is played from Angela's Critic.)
Victoria Payne (in flasback): I give Angela a thumbs down- down- down.
(End of flashback.)
Angela: Hello, Victoria.
Victoria Payne: Angela?! (scoffs) I haven't seen you since you totally tore me apart in that, (clears throat) song.
(A flashback is shown of the Payne Can't Hurt Me song.)
Angela (in flashback): (sings)
Payne can't hurt me!
You see, it's her name.
(End of flashback.)
Angela: (confidently) Well, if it seemed too mean, just remember- you started it... (unconfidently) Did it seem too mean?
Victoria Payne: (sobs) When you sang, "Payne can't hurt me," it was like you were calling me a pain.
Angela: Oh, my gosh, I'm really sorry. The thing is, I was just so mad when I wrote it.
Victoria Payne: Ha! Oh my god. I was just kidding, of course. That's the first song of yours I actually, like, liked.
Angela: Really? Well, then, what did you like about it?
Victoria Payne: (sighs) Well, it was real. You know, it showed under all the rainbows and sunshine, there's some grit.
Angela: I have grit! Yay!
(Victoria sees Angela's jersey.)
Victoria Payne: Wait, you like the Piranhas?
Angela: Oh, this is just a shirt...
Victoria Payne: (points to shoulder) Eyes up here.
(On Victoria's shoulder is a tattoo of the Piranhas logo.)
Angela: ...that I wear because I love the Piranhas!
Victoria Payne: Chomp n' stomp, right?!
Angela: Chomp n' stomp... yeah!
Victoria Payne: Wow, you know, you may not be a total waste of time. Hey, how 'bout we forget about the past and start over?
Angela: Okay... Victoria.
Victoria Payne: Ah, I just hope there's room for us in the diner. (leaves with Angela)
Angela: The diner?
(Scene cuts to Tom speaking to the audience in the living room.)
Tom: Maybe I was too harsh on Angela for wearing the enemy's shirt. It was an innocent mistake. It's not like she's a Piranhas fan. (chuckles) But to make sure it doesn't happen again, I'm giving this to wear while we watch the game. (holds Barracudas jersey)
(Scene cuts to the diner. There are several Piranhas fans partying.)
MC: What's that in the water, y'all?!
Fans: Piranhas!
MC: And who are we gonna feed on tomorrow?!
Fans: The Barracudas!
Angela: Wow, Piranhas fans really know how to have fun!
Victoria Payne: Ay, yeah, we do! Hey, I just thought of a great story for the Thumbs-Up Thumbs-Down Report! Angela and Victoria: Two Powerful Women in the Local Music Scene.
Angela: Ooh, I like that part.
Victoria Payne: (receives call) Ooh, I better take this. BRB. (leaves)
MC: Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh! Yo, it's local pop star Angela! Make some noise, Piranhas fans! Let's show her some love.
(The crowd cheers.)
Angela: (in microphone) Wow, thanks!
MC: Now tell us why you love the Piranhas. Go.
Angela: Oh, um... because they're the best at running and bouncing the ball really fast?
(The crowd stops cheering.)
Angela: Oh, oh, and they hunt their prey in schools!
(The crowd cheers.)
Angela: Unlike those barracudas, who are nothing but a bunch of saltwater ambush-predator cheaters! Am I right?
(The crowd cheers.)
Angela: (nervously) Yay, woo-hoo, sports!
MC: Oh, yeah! Now, that's a fan who really knows her stuff!
(Victoria Payne returns.)
Victoria Payne: You are not going to believe this. That was the owner of the Piranhas on the phone. I told him what a huge Piranhas fan you are, and I, of course, said that if he knows anything about good music, he should hire Angela, obviously.
Angela: (excitedly) And?
Victoria Payne: And you got the job! You are the Piranhas' halftime entertainment at tomorrow's championship game.
Angela: Thank you, thank you, thank you!
Victoria Payne: (gives headband) Here, you can have this. It will look great onstage with your Piranhas shirt.
Angela: I love it! Oh, this is going to be so much fun! I can't wait to tell Tom and- (realizes, gasps) ohhhh. Oh, sports.
(Scene cuts to the garage. Ben tries to fix the Tor-trimma. He uses a pizza cutter, wrench, saw, and hammer.)
Tom: Uh, Ben, can you please hurry up with that so we can make breakfast?
Ben: I just need to adjust the angle-reader from "obtuse" to "acute."
Hank: There's nothing cute about missing breakfast, Ben. My stomach is eating itself.
Ben: (taps machine) There, that should do it. Let's give it a try. (activates machine)
(The machine immediately malfunctions.)
Ben: (frustrated) What's wrong with you? You should be trimming tortillas!
(The machine uses a tool, forces it up Ben's ear, and rubs it against his teeth.)
(Angela enters with a box of donuts.)
Angela: Hey, guys, I have donuts!
(Ben shows that his teeth had been made shiny.)
Ginger: Did she say donuts!
Angela: (opens box) No sharp edges!
Hank: You saved our lives!
(Hank, Ginger and Ben hungrily eat the donuts.)
Tom: Easy, guys, save some for the game.
Ginger: No!
(Ginger Hank And Ben Finishes The Donuts)
Angela: You know, Tom, you guys don't have to worry about those dangerous snacks any more, because you'll be watching the game live and in-person. (holds tickets) Boom.
(The friends see the tickets in amazement.)
Hank: You got us tickets?!
Angela: Yes, I did.
(The friends cheer.)
Hank: (cheers) Angela, Angela, Angela!
Tom: How did you get these?! The game's been sold out for weeks!
Angela: It's actually a funny story. Remember Victoria Payne?
(Tom tries to take the tickets from Angela, but Angela keeps moving her hand away.)
Angela: Yeah, well, it turns out she knows someone who knows someone and they asked me to perform at halftime. Crazy, right?
Tom: (takes tickets) You're the halftime entertainment?!
Angela: Yes! I get to sing in the middle of the game while the players drink water and get yelled at.
Tom: Wow, this is huge!
Ben: The whole town will be watching the game! After today, everyone will know your name.
Angela: Well, I'm really glad you guys understand what a great career opportunity this is for me, because, um, well, the thing is, I was hired by the P-
(The Tor-trimma goes haywire and attacks the friends.)
Angela: (hides behind couch) Guys, these are so dangerous!
(The machine picks up Ben and spins him.)
Tom: Here, I was gonna give this to you later, but- ow! But it looks like I better give it to you now. (hands Barracudas jersey)
Angela: (takes jersey) Oh, um...
Hank: (eats corn chip) You can wear it tonight so everyone knows you're rooting for the good guys.
Angela: "Good guys?" C- oh, come on! I mean, can't we just focus on what a great career opportunity this is for me?
(Ben is thrown onto the floor.)
Angela: I mean, it's just a stupid basketball game.
(The machine chases Ben outside.)
Tom: Not to us, Angela. Not to us.
(Scene cuts to an abstract location. Angela is surrounded in smoke and wears a Piranhas shirt.)
Angela: Huh?
Tom: (appears) You're a traitor, Angela!
Angela: No, Tom-
Ben: (appears) Yes, Angela. You betrayed us.
Angela: What? No!
(Hank and Ginger appear.)
Tom, Ben, Hank, Ginger: Traitor! Traitor! Traitor! Traitor! Traitor! Traitor! Traitor!
(Tom grows to a gigantic size.)
(A silhouette of a barracuda appears on the floor and appears to "eat" Angela.)
Angela: Nooooo!
(Scene cuts to Angela's apartment. She wakes up, revealing the scene was a nightmare.)
(Angela pants.)
(Scene cuts to the stadium during the basketball game at halftime. The game is tied with both teams having 43 points.)
(The friends sit in the stands.)
Tom: Well, well, well, Victoria Payne is a Piranhas fan. Doesn't surprise me.
Victoria Payne: Ooh, quick question: which hurts more, getting chomped or getting stomped?!
Tom: We'll see who chomped and stomped who when the game's over. And piranhas don't have feet, Angela!
(Victoria glares at Tom.)
MC: Ladies and gentlemen, please give a round of applause to tonight's halftime performer, Angela!
(The spotlight shows Angela.)
(Angela is wearing a green and orange jersey, depicting both the Barracudas and Piranhas.)
(Tom gasps.)
Angela: Hey, everyone! Here's a song I wrote especially for tonight. It's called, "No One Wins and Loses."
(The crowd is confused.)
Angela: Sure hope you like it! Hit it! (sings)
Everyone in the house who doesn't care who wins tonight, put your hands up like this!
Come on! Woo-hoo!
Me and myself!
Tom: (whispers to Ben) What is she doing?
Angela: (sings)
Let's all hope it's a tie, yeah, a tie.
Let's hope no one wins and no one loses.
So everyone can go home- hey!
(The crowd boos at Angela. Food is thrown at Angela.)
(A pizza is thrown in Angela's face.)
Angela: Hey, quit throwing stuff! Seriously, it's one more-
(Angela is crushed by a large hamburger.)
(Scene cuts to after the game. The friends are walking in the street.)
Tom: Angela, what were you thinking?
Victoria Payne: Uh, dur-doy, what the heck?
Angela: I just wanted people to get along instead of fighting over who's gonna win the stupid game. But now that I think about it, I really didn't realize how much people hate a tie game.
Hank: Or a song about a tie game.
Ginger: Big mistake.
Tom: Yeah, that song was not good.
Victoria Payne: And by "not good," he means terrible.
Ben: I agree. The worst.
Angela: Okay, yeah, got it, thanks. But wait a second, look at all you right now. I see Piranhas fans and Barracudas fans, and you're all putting aside your differences and agreeing on something! And it's all thanks to my song! Ha, I call that progress!
(The Tor-trimma appears and chases the friends.)
(Angela hides behind a bush with Victoria.)
Angela: (pants) Victoria, just how bad is this for my career? Give it to me straight.
Victoria Payne: Hm, maybe don't watch this week's Thumbs-Up Thumbs-Down Report.
Angela: Oh, right.
(Credits roll)